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Candidates Avoid Serious Issues
Washington, D.C. – Hilary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain. All are vying for the title of “The Most Powerful Non-Gender Specific Person of the World” and yet, their focus on the hot topics of today may prove to be their undoing.
Fact #1: Zombies are not an “if” statement, but a “when.”
Fact #2: The Mayan calendar ends in 2012 prophesying apocalypse and ruin, thus making it an ideal time for a zombie infestation.
Fact #3: The President-elect will be up for re-election in 2012.
The statements above show an increased importance of looking to the future and focusing less on the current recession and wars we are fighting, for when the zombies begin to mindlessly shuffle your way, will that the rising price of gas, the strength of the sub-prime mortgage rate, or men with improvised explosive devices really matter anymore?
When this was presented to former presidential candidate Al Gore, his reply was simple: “Lockbox,” he proclaimed. “Lockbox…” He may have been referring to the widely known Costco strategy of famed zombie slayer, Matthew Reiter, and at the same time trying to coin another phrase like his famous “information superhighway.”
President George W. Bush’s response was not anymore reassuring. “We will use strategerie to conquer the hordes of zombie heathen and their oil hoarding country, Puerto Rico!” At which time one of his aides bent over to inform him that the United States does indeed own Puerto Rico to which he replied, “Rhode Island!”
The current presidential campaigns were not available for comment.
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