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The Zomblog: Zombie Economics 101

ZOMG! OH NOES! RECESSION!!!! WHAT WILL I DO IF I CAN’T BUY SUPPLIES?!!!!!!!

After all, you may be jobless right? At worst, your house is up for foreclosure and the bills are late when the infestation begins, right? Fear not my friends for presented today in technicolor is “ZOMBIE ECONOMICS 101″ (said in a booming theater voice and no, it will not be in technicolor).

First off, please pull out your wallet, money clip, or purse and look inside. See that one dollar bill? Well, little did you know that your single one dollar bill is worth just as much as that fat knot of cash in Mr. CEO’s wallet…faith.

We have reached a point in the human existence in which the dollar bill in the United States is no longer backed by a giant stash of gold in Fort Knox because we are willing to believe it. Is that to say that there is not a huge treasure trove of gold in Fort Knox? I cannot confirm it, but it is probably there just in case at some point we need to back the dollar up with something tangible. Regardless, there is not enough there to back-up every dollar accounted for should some other nation dub our currency made of paper and cotton useless.

If at this point you have decided, “What is up with this tool? If he wants to give me all this ‘useless cash’ in his wallet he can do it any time he wants.” To that I say, “Slow your roll, homefry.” (That’s right, I just called you “homefry.”) At this point in time enough people believe the dollar is worth something so don’t go all post-WW Germany on us and use it to start up your stove. My point is this: During a worldwide catastrophe no one is gonna care if how much you have to your name or if that gun you’re carrying was actually paid for.

Am I encouraging looting? Not yet.

Here’s my three step plan on procuring goods when the zombie infestation begins and the reasoning behind it. Before I start I feel the need to mention that your purchases should be on items with bartering value once the world’s economy collapses (guns, ammo, non-perishables, hard metals). Gold is dandy, but unless you’re going to dress up a zombie once you’ve killed it, stuff it as a trophy and give it some bling “precious” metals ain’t so precious.

1. Spend cash on supplies – It’ll be worthless once there is no one to take it in, so use it before it depreciates and you must roll with the good old concept of bartering.

2. Use credit cards on supplies – So your APR is at 20%…who’s going to collect it when all the zombies are munching on the bill collector’s brains? And the store owner, assuming electricity is still up and can process the card, won’t know until it’s too late that the company won’t be sending him his share. Poor guy done got duped!

3. Scavenge…for others’ credit cards – That’s right…I said it. Mr. Jones is a zombie. He doesn’t need that wallet or its contents. Nuff said.

Will this work? I don’t know. Seems good enough for right now though. lol

Tags: cash, credit cards, economy, supplies, zombies