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The Zomblog: Swine Flu – What They Don’t Want You to Know

Swine flu. The killer.

Swine flu. The pandemic.

Swine flu…the zombie creator?

It’s true my friends. The government doesn’t want you to know, but there is more to this H1N1 than they are telling you. For instance, they have listed the basic symptoms, but they have not gone into detail the transformation that goes on in your body. Let me wisen you up a little to this foul plague.

Phase 1: The symptoms that have been mentioned. Nothing special or unusual. The lucky ones die and then unlucky…well, they progress to the next phase.

Phase 2: Think Phase 1, but now you are consumed by an uncontrollable hunger for pork products. You can’t get enough. Bacon. Ham. Rump roast. Pickled pig’s feet. It’s all fair game as far as you’re concerned.

Phase 3: The transformation begins. If you have ever seen Willow then you know what I am talking about. You slowly and painfully turn into a pig. What does this have to do with zombies you ask? Read on…

Phase 4: You die. Or do you? For you see, shortly after your “death” as a pig you arise again as you guessed it: A PARTICULAR PORTLY PASSED ON PIECE OF PIG!!!!

I’m sure you are now wondering why on Earth would people turn into zombie pigs? There are three very simple reasons for this government conspiracy:

1. Zombie pigs don’t need sustenance. You put a bullet in it’s head and slice it for bacon.

2. A fix for overpopulation.

3. It’s green. You’re recycling “human pigs” by feeding them to humans.

It’s true my friends…it’s true. So stay away from that bacon for it may be your Aunt Myrtle, Cousin Ferdinand, or best friend Leroy Jenkins!

Tags: bacon, conspiracy, H1N1, ham, pickled pig's feet, pork shoulder, swine flu