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Zombie virus doesn’t discriminate
When Jonathan Smith noticed some redness around a bite mark on his leg from a recent bar fisticuffs he didn’t think much of it.
“I’ve gotten into these things before,” the construction worker from Southern California said. “Bite marks…lacerations…I just thought it was a war trophy.”
Smith doesn’t quite recall what lead him to go to the doctor, but he did thinking it would be something small. It turned out that it was a zombie infection. His leg was immediately amputated and he was put on dialysis. The outcome as of yet is still to be seen.
“Yeah, I’ve heard about these zombie viruses and all, but I’m vegetarian. I can’t taste as good as those Mexicans and their carnitas. What about the Chinese and orange chicken? Gimme a break,” he said.
Necrologists say they are now concerned because of the growing rate of zombie bites and infections among people of boring appetites.
“Now…as a kid in college I president to a group known as ‘The Fat Kid’s Club” and we used to go out to Pink’s in Hollywood, Thai food in Thai town and Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles, but we are now finding that vegans get it as much as meat-eaters,” says Dr. Anthony Garcia.
Garcia pointed out that though diet may have some effect on a zombie’s preferred target in the end it has an insatiable appetite and doesn’t care who it will devour. Since these recent findings many vegans and vegetarians have returned to their meat-eating ways.
Researchers recently acknowledged that preventative measures with regards to zombie attacks were directed towards those with certain meat-filled diets.
The person who bit Mr. Smith was found and subsequently “contained.”
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hmmm…maybe the science community should work towards turning zombies into vegans. problem solved, at least until all the plant life was gone and we all die from lack of oxygen.