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Zombies, Iranians Don’t Want To Be Overlooked Anymore

It’s that time of year, the time where everyone must fill out a 10-question survey known as the U.S. Census. Every 10 years, the United States takes on the immeasurable task of counting everyone in the country, regardless of citizenship status. This official count includes residents of all ages, ethnic groups and races; if you’re here, you’re counted.

This year, certain minority communities are urging their members to see the 2010 Census as an opportunity to be officially recognized. In the past few months there has been a huge push in the Iranian community to check the “Some other race” box and write in “Iranian” or “Iranian-American.” 338,000 Iranian individuals were counted in the 2000 Census while the actual number is believed to be at least two times greater, according to iranianscount.org.

“Do you really think that’s an accurate count?” UCLA student Payam Parveez said. “It’s not called ‘Tehrangeles’ for nothing.”

Educating Iranians to designate themselves as such, instead of White, could result in minority status, which opens the door to benefits for the community like funding, university admissions or loan qualifications.

“I’m ready to be recognized as a minority,” Parveez said.

But other communities are not seeing the same support and enthusiasm. Jonathan Z. Doe, president and co-founder of Feel Life: Even Sans Hearts, the non-profit organization leading the Zombie community’s integration into the living world, said though members may not share the same lifestyle as their breathing counterparts, they deserve recognition as well.

“It’s negligence when you get right down to it,” Doe said. “We at FLESH just want the U.S. to know that there is another minority group here too, who contributes just as much to society as anyone else.”

However, the government doesn’t seem to agree with Doe’s standpoint.

“Let’s make this perfectly, totally and utterly clear,” Mary Donahue, 2010 U.S. Census supervisor said, “ ‘Undead’ doesn’t qualify as a race, ethnicity or anything. If anything, it would fall under ‘State of life’ or something. We’re not that advanced yet.”

Donahue also expressed that addressing such a matter is ridiculous and “a big fucking waste of time.”

Even with such opposition, Doe believes that his movement can gain speed if enough community members were aware of the situation and willing to be educated. The lack of funds, information of any kind and general interest from the public are only some of the roadblocks FLESH is facing, Doe said. But he has faith that many Zombies are already conscious of this injustice and ready to make a change.

“Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnmmmmmmmmm,” Zombie Richard Beech said, when asked what he would mark on his Census form.

Tags: census, counting, F.L.E.S.H., zombies