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Interview with Steve Mockus, Author of How to Speak Zombie: A Guide for the Living

In a world overtaken by zombies, the only hope for survival lies in learning the language of the undead. How to Speak Zombie demonstrates how to blend in and avoid being eaten while carrying on with everyday activities like ordering a latte from a zombarista and shopping at a zombie-infested mall. This essential guide features an electronic sound module that demonstrates proper zombie pronunciation (“RAHHHhh!”), helpful text that explores the customs and etiquette of the zombie world, and detailed illustrations that show the undead doing everything from pumping iron to dancing the night away. Deeply informative, this handbook also includes an all-purpose BRAINS button that can be used in any situation, deadly or otherwise. (From Amazon.com)

ZWN: How to Speak Zombie: A Guide for the Living is out now. Where did this come from?

SM: The idea—actually I’m not sure where it came from—but the idea is that the world’s overrun by zombies, you know, inevitably. There are a few humans around and rather than flee they’re just trying to get by, not attract too much attention, trying to blend in and carry on doing they things you need or want to do: go to the cafe, the gym, to work, etc., among the zombies. Zombies used to be human, and so human culture’s still around in a way, but it’s shifted to cater to zombie interests.

ZWN: Art plays a big part of this book. Tell us a little about it.

SM: I love the art. It’s by an artist named Travis Millard, who really took the brains and ran with them, I think. He has a great vintage Mad magazine sensibility to his work. There were a few visual jokes that were in the text, but the humor in the art is pretty much all Travis: the zombie vendor at the stadium selling “garlic eyes,” the “Brain Zone” store at the mall, zombies losing limbs while working out at the gym, etc.

ZWN: Figures vary on exactly how many languages there are in the world, but is there room for “Zombie”?

SM: Well, I don’t know how many human languages will survive the emergence of Zombie. “Killer app” isn’t quite the right analogy, but the emergence of Zombie as a language, and the way it acquires speakers, is kind of a game changer; history has proven that a pretty effective way to kill a language is by killing those who speak it.

ZWN: Is “Zombie” like love-a universal language?

SM: Just the word “brains,” the tone and inflection you give it can make the meaning change dramatically, different like snowflakes. In that way it’s the one word that can probably get you into or out of any situation. It the word universally on everyone’s minds thses days.

ZWN: If “Zombie” is a universal language, what about accents? Everybody knows that folks on the west coast sound different from folks on the east coast, not to mention folks from Wisconsin.

SM: It’s true that my book approaches Zombie as it’s spoken by post-humans whose native tongue was English, when they had tongues. I’ll have to leave it to others to create works that help us with the tonal intricacies of Vietnamese Zombie speech, but they should probably hurry up. In terms of accents in English, though all zombies tends to slur and use protracted consonants—it sounds like the speaker is drunk and has a head injury—you can still tell regional differences. California zombies have a more mellow tone, New Yorkers are a little more clipped in their diction.

ZWN: I’m sure you get folks asking you to translate for them all the time. But I just have to ask. If France is full of zombies but I’m planning a trip there to go to Euro Disney and I get off the plane and ask some French zombies for directions, what do I say?

SM: Luckily you’re looking for something that has the same name in both languages, and (I believe) Mickey Mouse is also untranslated. So you could start with Disney Land: “Ddddduuuzzzzznuuhhhhh NNnnlllaahhhhh” You could also try Mickey Mouse: “Mmmuuhhhhhh MMmmoooooahh” Maybe for Mickey also hold your hands up above your head sort of like ears.

ZWN: Don’t get me wrong the book is great, but some people aren’t that visual. Are there any foreign language classes available that teach “Zombie”?

SM: Boy I wish I agreed with you that people would rather read than look at things. I sure hope so. What we did was try to create a primer to get people engaged with the idea/necessity of learning how to speak Zombie, offer some phrases, pronunciation tips by way of a sound module that comes with the book, and some illustrations of scenarios to try to demonstrate the way the material is relevant to readers’ lives, if they want to remain alive.

ZWN: If “Zombie” becomes a bonafide language, how soon till zombies start asking for Healthcare?

SM: It’s interesting. When zombies drink, they tend to prefer the hard stuff, which seems to help pickle and preserve their innards. They also like the beach almost as much as humans do. We find it rejuvenating and they find it therapeutic, too: the flesh-tanning and bone-bleaching glare of the sun and the salty sea mist work as natural disinfectants. So there are hints of health consciousness, or subconsciousness. On the other hand, they also tend to still want to own dogs, and that might work for a while but, never really ends very well for the zombie. You know how dogs feel about bones…

ZWN: What’s coming up next for you? Any more zombie books?

SM: Actually I’ve been invited to speak at ZomBcon in Seattle over Halloween weekend this year, which I’m excited about. I’ll be holding a workshop and talking about the finer points of zombie pronunciation.

ZWN: Time for the standard ZWN questions.

ZWN: Do you have a favorite zombie book or movie?

SM: Night of the Living Dead, my favorite by a mile, but I also liked 28 Days Later & 28 Weeks Later quite a bit. Fast zombies: scary.

ZWN: Do you have a zombie survival plan and if so, would you care to share?

SM: I think even if I had a firm plan it’s likely to get upended by whatever happens in the moment.

ZWN: In dealing with zombies, what would be your weapon of choice?

SM: Machete, I think. I don’t have the strength to keep swinging an axe for very long, though I like the idea of the long handle.

ZWN: Do you think zombies are overdone, or is there still room for growth there?

SM: I think there’s always room for something that’s well done in anything. There’s always someone ready to say that something’s “dead”: art, rock, irony … but those things are only disappointing if you don’t spend the time to seek out the good stuff. Sometimes the good stuff presents itself to you, and sometimes you have to look, but it’s always out there. Someone’s out there writing a cool zombie book or comic or making a film that we haven’t heard about yet, it’s a sure thing.

ZWN: Who (or what) do you think is the best zombie hunter? They could be alive or dead?

SM: Though he didn’t survive the film, I would go with Ben (Duane Jones) in Night of the Living Dead. Maybe because of how foundational the movie was, and it also being the first zombie movie I saw, it felt like in watching the film that the character invented survival strategies for the first time that later were known and taken for granted.

ZWN: If you were a zombie, who would you eat first?

SM: I live in San Francisco and the pickings are kind of slim here, literally, too much yoga, hipster cycling, too many vegans. I guess I’d head downtown to the more touristy areas, or maybe Fisherman’s Wharf, and look for more substantial eats.

ZWN: Brains, yummy or gross?

SM: There are some great taco trucks here. Sesos tacos are tasty, like scrambled eggs, so I’m going to say yummy.

ZWN: Thanks for your time Steve. You’re truly a master linguist.
Steve Mockus is a San Francisco based writer and the world’s first zombie translator, well actually he’s probably the worlds only zombie translator. Steve enjoys writing, reading, hiking and socializing with zombies.  Be sure to pick up the book at major bookstores now or you can order it from Amazon.com.

Tags: author, translator, zombies